i want to be your what's happening

It’s funny how quickly things change. My life has been so crazy ridiculous that I can only share the highlights of all these changes in list form:

1. It’s cold in New York, and I don’t like it
2. I thought I would have enough money to fly home to Miami for Christmas, but I don’t
3. I do not live in Bushwick
4. I do live on the Lower East Side
5. I really like my coffeeshop job, surprisingly enough
6. I really hate my babysitting job, but that’s no surprise to me
7. Where the fuck have I been that I haven’t been listening to LCD Soundsystem all the fucking time?
8. I may or may not have cut my dad off. I’m not sure, but he definitely hasn’t called me in a couple of weeks
9. I met a boy
10. I told him I needed a place to live
11. He let me stay with him
12. I moved in a couple of weeks ago
13. And I fell completely and utterly, head over heals, any other expressions you can use to describe something that is ridiculous and all-consuming and yet amazing and awe-defying, in love with him.

Woah. What the fuck happened to my life? How did it become so much more awesome?

this is why you're fat.

i poked one of my coworkers at the coffeeshop this morning, and felt his hipbones jutting through his skin. i said, "fuck you're skinny," and he goes, "no, i'm poor skinny."

is it bad that my first thought after that was, "so jealous! maybe another couple of months of this and i will be too!"

ugh. living in new york makes me feel fat. this is probably the first time and only time i miss the plump comfort of the midwest.

currently more awesome at life.

Once, I went out with my teacher friend, Reggie, and we were talking about taking risks. It was right in the middle of the year, and I felt particularly down about my performance at school and about my life in general. I felt so unhappy with my life and with the choices I’d made up to that point, and I kept asking him, “How did I get here? And what have I done with my life?” Of course, like a reasonable person would, he reminded me that I’m only 23 and haven’t exactly written out the course of my life just yet. He then took out a pen and grabbed the napkin my drink was on, and wrote this:

I had dinner with Reggie a couple of days ago, and reminded him of that night. He asked me if I kept the napkin, and I told him that I’ve been carrying it in my wallet ever since that night. He asked to see it, so I took it out and gave it to him. He stared at it for a minute, and then ripped it up. He said, “I don’t think you need this anymore.”

I think I'm officially a badass.